praise!

I haven't updated since my first HCG draw...so here goes!  I went back two days later and my HCG had more than doubled - it was 1,348!  PRAISE HIM!  I felt so relieved.  It just affirmed again that this really is our baby to take home.  God's perfect plan for us.  The waiting, the pain, the heartache....now I see what He had in store all along.  How could I ever doubt? His love is BIGGER than anything I can imagine.  His love for us - His amazing, perfect love.

I went for my first ultrasound with DH when I was 6 weeks.  It was a transvaginal ultrasound and we were able to hear the heartbeat! 115 beats per minute.  Pure joy.  What a miracle this sweet baby is!  The appointment lasted 2 hours as I had to do all the bloodwork, etc.  My ob said we are treating this as a "normal" pregnancy from this point forward and my next ultrasound will be at 10 weeks!  I'm still on prometrium twice daily, and she said I could just do both at the same time before I go to bed, which is much better.

I'm currently 7 weeks 5 days, and I'll be 8 weeks on Sunday.  My boobs have almost doubled in size and I'm still having sporadic cramping, slight nausea and constant peeing.  And I love every second of it all.  I'm so thankful.  I didn't realize the first trimester would be so full of nerves and anxiety, but I'm just praying everyday for God to take control of my emotions and let me enjoy this pregnancy :)

Thanks for following me on this journey.  I'm praying for each of you that are still waiting on your sweet baby....I know how much it stings to find out others are expecting, and my heart aches for you because I know the pain.  Trust in Jesus, and know that He has a perfect plan for you.  The waiting is so hard, but it will all be worth it.

update!

The nurse called me and my HCG is 530 (!!!) and progesterone is 18.25.  She turned me over to my obgyn, and I called their office and they want me to do another HCG in 48 hours to make sure it is doubling. She also said to start progesterone supplements and continue until 10 weeks of pregnancy. I am on cloud nine. My God is SO GOOD!!!!!!! All praise to HIM!

a miracle

I wrote in a post a few months back that I could feel God was planning something big in my life.  I knew He was making moves and I just clung to my faith and prayed for patience.  Throughout this whole infertility journey I’ve really tried to put everything in perspective and keep focusing on Jesus.  What else did I have if not Him?  My faith was everything – the only thing that kept me going.

And on Friday, I witnessed a real-life miracle.  I felt Jesus right next to me.  A true miracle – just like it says in the Bible.

I was supposed to start bcp on Sunday to get this whole IVF process started.  I was to call the nurse as soon as I started my period so we could schedule all the testing, etc.  Thursday morning I spotted a little, so I immediately called the nurse and told her it was cd1.  I was having cramps, my boobs were killing me, and I just knew full AF would arrive later that day.  I even told my acupuncturist on Wednesday that I was about to start my period any day, so she focused on my uterus and my flow.  I even put a tampon in prematurely on Thursday, because I didn’t want to start bleeding all over my pants.  By Thursday night, I still had not started.  No biggie, I just thought AF was late.  I was a little concerned because I could not start bcp until I got my period.  So I really wanted AF to hurry up.  Friday morning and still nothing – no sign of AF.  I called the nurse around noon and she said if I started over the weekend, I could still start bcp on Sunday. She said otherwise call her on Monday (today) and we would regroup.

I got home from work on Friday and was cleaning the house before we went to dinner with friends.  DH was running a race the next morning, so he was downtown at the expo getting all his information for the next day.  For some reason, I decided to take an opk, just to see what happened.  I had a pregnancy test but did not want to waste it.  The digital opk came back with a smiley face – positive.  I started talking with the girls in our private facebook group, and they told me to take the pregnancy test.  I was planning on waiting until Saturday morning, because I thought I had to use first morning urine, but they convinced me to take the test immediately.

And it was positive.  I started bawling crying.  I was shaking, almost hyperventilating.  The line kept getting darker and darker.  And I fell on my knees and thanked God for what truly was a MIRACLE.  I prayed and prayed and told Jesus that I would raise this baby for Him – to always know Him and love Him.  And I meant it!!!

I am still in shock and we are so happy!!!!  I called DH and he started screaming.  I could not stop crying!  I took 5 more tests over the weekend, and all came back with strong positives.  This was DAYS before I was supposed to start IVF.  After battling infertility for 3 years, 4 IUIs, femara, clomid, surgery….I got a miracle bfp on a natural cycle, the month before I was to start in-vitro.

If that’s not God, then I don’t know what is.  He fulfills His promises, yall.  HE IS SO FAITHFUL!!!! I am in love with a Savior that performs miracles.  He walks on water, heals the sick, and He ROSE FROM THE DEAD!  What a mighty God!!!

I went for bloodwork this morning to check my HCG numbers and my progesterone.  I just know this is our baby to keep.  I have faith that this pregnancy will last.  And I am in awe of how awesome our God is.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

“For I know the plans I have for you,”  declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  -Jeremiah 29:11-13

prayer

I wrote this prayer in my journal yesterday, and when reading it over again today it came over me to share it here. I hope it might speak to someone else going through a similar situation (emotionally, physically or spiritually).

Hi Lord. My Glorious King, my Annointer. Thank you. My words of thanks will never be enough, my actions will never be enough.  But I know Lord that you don’t need these things from me because they will never be enough.  All you want from me is my heart.  And you have it, Jesus!  I love YOU with all my heart and all my soul.

Thank you for bringing me close to you when I start to float away.  Your grace is so overwhelming.  What a Mighty God!  Please always draw me near to You.  Help me lead the life You wrote for me.  I want to live this life for YOU!  I’ve finally truly accepted that my plans might not be Your plans, Father.  I still have unwavering faith that You will make me a mother one day.  I will love You and worship You no matter what!  What I view as Your good works in me might be skewed, so please help me see the beauty in everything Jesus.  Above all, keep filling me with Your sweet love.  I could drink from Your cup forever.  Thirst no more!  Fill me every single day, Father. 

I love You.  Thank you.